Monday, March 8, 2010
I think i mentioned in my first post that I am not Catholic. I was raised Lutheran, Catholic Lite. We are now happy Methodists. So while I am not sure that Methodists as a rule give up something for lent but I've done it for so many years, I can't imagine not. Of course, I DO eat meat, even on Fridays, so I'm not exactly "hard core." It seems the last several years I have given up something like ice cream or soda or chocolate. For 40 days and 40 nights it's not exactly easy but it is definitely not a sacrifice either. The last church we went to in Wichita subscribed to the belief that instead of giving something up you should do something to better yourself. In keeping with my 40x40 I decided to give it a try. I decided to spend time everyday walking and/or running. This would go towards (hopefully) accomplishing two of my goals, losing 40 lbs and walking/running my first 5k. I purposely sat out to run everyday. I know myself better than anybody and if i would have challenged myself to 2-3 days a week it would be easy to put off today's run hoping for a better tomorrow so I challenged myself to do it everday. I have to admit, I haven't done it. But, i think i have done better than I expected. I am out atleast 5 days per week. I have been out in rain and cold and very windy conditions. I have had to walk around hospitals, my sister's neighborhood and out at a soccer complex - believe me it would have been easy to skip but I didn't. So today after the rain cleared, I decided to hit it again. My body is starting to crave it, how awesome is that? It's not my mind reminding me to get out and hit the streets it's my body asking me to! I was feeling confident tonight and asked my husband to join me. Big mistake. I sat out to prove something to him but really to myself. I failed. I took a longer path than normal and had a great walking pace. I decided to run. Why not? My heart is pumping to the music and I feel great! I pat my husband on the back, give him a flirty smile and say, "let's run." He took off and ran right past me. I tried to keep up but I couldn't. I wish I wasn't so damn competitive. I wish I wasn't so damned out of shape. I wish I wasn't so damn old. I am so so angry with myself, I can hardly see through my tears. But I'm not giving up. I am going to run that 5k and then I am going to run another one and another one. I am craving the freedom and the rush I am just beginning to feel. Today was rough but tomorrow is another day. And just for the record, after my husband came in, I went around the block one more time. BECAUSE I CAN!