32. Accept an invitation that is out of my comfort zone

In the middle of conquering number 32 on my list, i found myself experiencing a minor ephiphany (is that even possible?)! I'm getting ahead of myself, sorry, I do that. At first glance, this seems like a blow-off challenge - poor little 40 year old has to go to a party. BooHoo.
But let me explain.
I admit it I am a sociable person. I love people and I like to have a good time. BUT, i prefer to do it in my comfortable group of friends. I am infamous, i am embarrassed to admit, for accepting invitations and then cancelling last minute. I don't know why. I guess if i am honest, it is some deeply hidden feelings of self-doubt and inadequacies. How Oprah is that?! Whew! I feel a little better. Kids have made the situation even easier for me. When my daughter, Kate was born, my sister used to call her my "excuse." She was right. Many times over the last several years, I have used them as a reason not to do the things I was afraid to do. Pathetic. Sitting here typing that I see that. Help me Oprah Winfrey!
So while # 32 seems like a blow-off challenge, it wasn't. I was invited to a birthday party. For a 29 year old. A beautiful, intelligent, vivacious 29 year old.

I should probably hate her but I don't. She jokingly calls me her "life coach" although if she reads this, I'm thinking I might just be out of that position! The party was pink-themed. As luck would have it, pink is my signature color! The guest list was mostly unfamiliar to me, the names I did know, i didn't know well. And then it snowed. And then my mom didn't want to babysit. And yada, yada, yads, very easy to cancel. But I didn't. My mom changed her mind, the roads improved and luckily, I look pretty hot in pink!


At the party, I was chatting with one of my many new friends and explaining my blog. Talking about it, out loud, to a stranger. It sounded so stupid. Like I was trying to prove something to somebody. Like I needed people to know that I am not that shy, quiet girl afraid of her own shadow. It freaks me out when people act like they are still in high school, like the cliqs of yesterday ever meant a damn. But how am I any different? Am I doing this to prove that I am not that person, that now, i should be accepted into this or that group? How is that any different. The realization stopped me mid-sentence. This isn't about high school, about fitting in or being accepted. It's really, not even about Oprah (gasp!). It's about me. Me being me. For me. So if you are looking for a life coach, you might check somewhere else, because I am just getting started. Life begins at 40 baby and I am ready to start living!